We’ve all heard of muscle memory, which appears to exist somewhat apart from the brain.

However there have been reports of people who’ve undergone organ transplants and acquired the traits of the organ donor.

“Claire Sylvia, a heart transplant recipient who received the organ from an 18-year-old male that died in a motorcycle accident, reported having a craving for beer and chicken nuggets after the surgery.”

http://www.medicaldaily.com/can-organ-transplant-change-recipients-personality-cell-memory-theory-affirms-yes-247498

If you think about it, intuitively it makes sense. But on another level it means that patterns of behavior are activated by more than your brain. It’s more than just the conscious part of you making the decisions.

This has serious implications concerning addiction. We all know about the neuroplasticity of the brain, and how synapses are formed to encourage repeat behavior of pleasurable activities.

But if a habit is also “etched” into your heart, or kidney, that means if you want to stop you’ll be struggling against your whole body.

An addiction doesn’t just live in the brain. It’s in your whole body.

All this to say that we (I) should have a greater appreciation for the difficulty of stopping an addictive habit.

It’s not just the “me” part of me craving that beer, it’s also my heart, my lungs, my stomach, and probably every other cell in the body.

You’re very practiced at drinking. You’ve done it for years and you know just how much to have to get that strong buzz without overdoing it.

You’re girlfriend on the other hand, is getting sloppy. She’s only had 2 drinks but you can see it in her voice and body. Her movements look clumsy. Instead of saying things, she exclaims them. She starts to pour herself another glass. Save both yourselves the embarrassment. Stop her.

You may think she can handle it. You’d be wrong.

You may think you should respect her decisions. Bitch, that’s a mistake.

She’s a grown ass adult. Who are you to say she’s had enough? You’re the man, that’s who.

Girls get drunk way faster than men. And they get way more dramatic too. You want her tipsy, not wasted. That’s like one and half drinks.

Sidenote: Alcohol is unhealthy and you shouldn’t drink it. I’ve been drinking everyday for the past 3 weeks. Time to shut this shit down.

It was more than just finding someone to bang. It was to find my wife. It was to find the mother of my children.

They say learn to enjoy the process.

I had fallen in love with the process so much I felt a pang of loss when I asked her to be my girlfriend. No more approaching. It was a loss to be sure. I was giving up a part of my life in exchange for all of hers.

I had practiced game and social skills for over 2 years. It had become such a habit: looking at a girl and evaluating her worthiness as a potential mate and then screwing up the courage to walk up and talk. With about 100 approaches under my belt, I would rate my cold approach skills at a D+. Just barely passable.

But now I was sad because I’ll never be as good as Tyler RSD, and I know I could have been. But then I realized why I had started this journey in the first place. It was so I could have abundance with women, and now I have it. Sure, it’s nothing like the pros, but still, it’s 100 times better than I ever thought possible.

Now it’s time to shift my priorities and refocus my energies. I’ll use the lessons I’ve learned to love my girlfriend and to build a life with her.

These are invaluable skills. I thank the Lord for the opportunities I’ve been given. And now I thank Him for her.

Two years ago I wouldn’t have been able to land her. Two years of growing and maturing and developing has made this possible.

No more searching. No more wondering if she’s out there. She’s right here. In front of me.

I know it doesn’t stop when you get married.

But for now, I guess I won the game.

The downside of learning game as Christian is no premarital sex. Every approach was with the intent to marry, not to lay. I’ve passed up quite a few good looking girls simply because I knew within a short time I would never marry them. Were I irreligious I would certainly use them and lose them, so I guess for their sake, it wasn’t all bad.

Tongue in cheek advice given by an office drone who misses his old ways. There might be something to that advice.

But me, I couldn’t not stop. I just couldn’t keep up anymore. Life was moving too fast. It was starting to take actual work to maintain that lifestyle. In the end, I didn’t have the strength to take one more step. By the grace of God, I was forced to drop my load.

The only times I was truly at peace, were acquiring the drug, talking about the drug, and then preparing and using the drug. But not actually being high. When I was high I would wish to be sober. And when I was sober I wanted to be high. When I finally was high I’d play video games to forget that I was high, only to be reminded again 90 minutes later that I wasn’t high anymore and needed another hit.

It was simply taking too much and giving too little in return. Being a drug user was so involving. I didn’t want a habit that required constant upkeep, maintenance, and supervision.

It was draining my soul. A daily diminishment. No rest to be found. I wanted to be lounging on a beach, or meditating in a forest, not frantically maintaining my chemical blood level.

Eventually it was my addiction that quit me. Of course I had to press the eject button. But by then I was safely away, watching the burning plane going down while being suspended in mid air by a parachute that was a new job, a new city, a new life. Another chance.

It’s a drug.

Kratom is the new hip substance touted by go-getting bloggers. I’ve tried supplements and products recommended by the manosphere before and most of them do what they say. My favorites are fish oil, creatine, and theanine.

So naturally after reading half a dozen articles on Kratom I decided to give it a go.

And like they say, the dosage does matter. Take too little, and you won’t feel anything. Take too much, and you’ll feel tired and queasy. But take just the right amount (determined by your own experiements) and you’ll feel awesome. Unstoppable with a lot energy.

It’s not intoxicating the way marijuana and even Adderall can be. It’s stronger than caffeine, but it doesn’t jolt you like caffeine. It’s a smooth buzz that you can sustain by titrating throughout the day.

But it is a drug induced high. And that’s the problem. It gets you high.

You can notice this if you’re especially in tune with your body. It’s not the same feeling you get from from drinking green vegetable juice, or from exercising, or from hugging a friend.

And that fact gives me pause.

I want to live a life that is completely drug free, and completely dependent on Jesus for my every need.

I don’t want to be dependent on chemicals to feel good. Yes, I know everything is a chemical and technically serotonin and dopamine are the only two things you enjoy. But I’m addicted to caffeine and it’s not a good thing. I also smoked weed for 5 years, and while it was super fun, eventually it had to go. Those drugs took more than they gave.

I’m going to keep experimenting with Kratom, but I wonder, will it eventually take more than it gives?