Tongue in cheek advice given by an office drone who misses his old ways. There might be something to that advice.
But me, I couldn’t not stop. I just couldn’t keep up anymore. Life was moving too fast. It was starting to take actual work to maintain that lifestyle. In the end, I didn’t have the strength to take one more step. By the grace of God, I was forced to drop my load.
The only times I was truly at peace, were acquiring the drug, talking about the drug, and then preparing and using the drug. But not actually being high. When I was high I would wish to be sober. And when I was sober I wanted to be high. When I finally was high I’d play video games to forget that I was high, only to be reminded again 90 minutes later that I wasn’t high anymore and needed another hit.
It was simply taking too much and giving too little in return. Being a drug user was so involving. I didn’t want a habit that required constant upkeep, maintenance, and supervision.
It was draining my soul. A daily diminishment. No rest to be found. I wanted to be lounging on a beach, or meditating in a forest, not frantically maintaining my chemical blood level.
Eventually it was my addiction that quit me. Of course I had to press the eject button. But by then I was safely away, watching the burning plane going down while being suspended in mid air by a parachute that was a new job, a new city, a new life. Another chance.
Mark Boris says
This same feeling is what gives me hope that one day I will quit caffeine. Eventually it will be too heavy to carry on and the pain of separation will be less than keeping on.